L is for LIFE

‘Seize the day, in the face of inevitable death’

Hello hello hello. I hope you’re well. This past month has been full of ups and downs and tears and laughter and all the other cliché things that make up this crazy thing called life.

Speaking of life, something that I struggle with is the overwhelming awareness that life ends in death. As the postman told me just the other day whilst handing over my ASOS bag… ‘We’re all on a journey from womb to tomb.’ Thanks for that Mr. Postman.

Some people have an awareness of death and ensure that they make the most of every situation because they know that YOLO (you only live once). I on the other hand, find it difficult to gain a purpose and a reason for doing anything at all because momento mori (we all must die) – why is that the only thing that I remember from Latin GCSE? Dark…

I worry so much about death and dying. It paralyses me and stops me from doing things more often than not because ‘what’s the point?’ I’m going to die one day and none of this will mean anything.

I feel so silly doing a facepack, buying a new top, working out, working… It all feels so pointless in the scheme of things. Why do a facepack when I’m going to die? Why buy a new top when I’m going to die? Why work out when I’m going to die? Why go to work and make money which I won’t spend because I’m going to die? Why?

I am sure that I will never lose this conscious awareness of death. However, what I want to try and do is change my mindset to believe that I need to make the most of everything and everyone because, one day, it will all be gone.

I need to make my mark on the world and leave a legacy, however big or small that may be. I don’t want to die and be nothing and leave nothing behind. I want to live a happy life.

I get so scared that I’ll be on my deathbed and be overwhelmed with annoyance at myself for living my life in fear of death and for not doing anything because I didn’t see a point in anything. How cowardly is that?

The thing is, the only certainty in life is death. Life short and I have yet to discover the meaning of it. However, I want to be happy. I want to enjoy my time here on this Earth. I want to smile looking back at my memories and make decisions to bring colour to my life. I don’t want to live in black and white any more.

Life is about doing what makes you happy. Right?

(image: Eastbourne)

 

 

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